When I was about 5 years old I went swimming in a pond with my dad and his brothers. Sometime during the day a lot of beers were consumed and the little sense they had before was completely lost.
I can’t remember which one did it first, but it became a lot of fun to push me under water and hold me there for a little while. How long? I am not really sure. I know it seemed like forever, but I was only 5 so my perspective was skewed (not to mention I was the one under water).
Just when they would let me up I would feel a crazy panic for air and for something to grab onto. A sense of relief would fill me as the air filled my lungs. Just when I would feel as if the nightmare was over a different person would take their turn dunking me a few times.
That has been similar to how I have been feeling lately.
Every time I feel as if I am back to normal, I get hit with it again. The sensation of being pushed under water and kept there overtakes me.
I am not complaining. I am just sharing. Surely some of you have felt that way.
Nothing extremely horrible or devastating has happened. Just blows to weaknesses. My favorite dog died and there has been a little drama with birth mom and the baby. Like I said, nothing really big and it has hit me surprisingly hard. I have been through some fairly rough things and I really don’t know why I am having this reaction to these events.
I just feel exhausted from trying to catch my breath and stay on top of the water. I think the most draining thing is trying to be myself and play with the kids. Cole is having a really hard time with Roxi’s death. I have to be even more upbeat and sympathetic for him.
I am just tired.







