No One Makes You Take a Foster Child

Yesterday I talked about racist comments from strangers.  Today I am going to lead into the topic by telling you about some comments from (former) friends.  These comments were not meant to be hurtful, but they showed those people’s hearts.  Needless to say we grew apart.

“Wow, you are going to foster.  That is cool.  What happens if they try to make you take a black kid?”

Let me start off with the first one, no one can “make” you take any foster child into your home.  When you get licensed you tell them how many children you are open to fostering (we are only licensed for two).  You tell them the age range that you prefer (we are licensed for 0-5 years old).  You tell them the sex of the children you prefer (while this isn’t on your license, they know on your paperwork and call you accordingly). You cannot tell them you only want certain races, though. 

You get a phone call from a social worker telling you about a child/children.  They give you information, usually as little as possible, and you ask a ton of questions.  This is where I tell them I will get back in touch with them soon.  I call my husband and we talk about it.  The social worker cannot tell you the race of the child when giving you the basic information.  You can ask, though.  That’s right, they can’t volunteer it, but if asked they can tell you.  So if you have preferences I would suggest asking that question at that time.

We have said no to many children.  The reasons have varied.  Honestly that is the hardest part of fostering.  Not returning them home to their parents, but saying no to the ones that need a place to go.  The case workers at the office know me and they tell me later that the children were placed and that they are fine. 

So I am pretty much telling you that no one is going to make you do anything.  It is your house and your life.  Only you can make the right decisions for yourself.  You can say no at any time to any child or situation. 

“You are going to let those ‘kids with problems’ live in your house?”

I don’t know anyone without problems.  I have them, you have them, my kids have them.  Unless you are one of those women with a womb that only produces perfect children, chances are your kids have problems, too. 

Children do not come into foster care because they have problems.  It is because their parents do.  Foster care is a chance for children to be moved to an environment that will help them heal and recover while their parents heal, recover, and get their lives back in order.  Some parents do, some don’t. 

So to label a child in the foster care system as a “kid with problems” isn’t fair.  Plus it makes you look like an idiot.  There, I said it.