Letter to my {Foster} Daughter

 

Dear Little Lady,

As I type this you lie in your crib unaware of what tomorrow is.  A group of people are going to sit in a small room and make a huge decision on the direction your life is going to take.  I won’t be there and you won’t be there, but that place will be in my prayers. 

Words will be said that you don’t understand or know their meaning.  But unfortunately you will eventually understand their meaning and their effects.  Those words will undoubtedly surface here and there throughout your life.  Words like “addicted”, “exposed”, “noncompliant”, “uninterested”, “unfit”, and many others.

As you grow up I will try to teach you that you cannot control what others do and what they do to you.  You can only control how you allow that to affect you.  I hope that you will know by my actions and my words that I love you more than you could possibly imagine.  I would love to protect you from every hurt in this world, but that would not be fair to you.  Because this world is full of hurt.  The good news is with hurt comes healing.  With healing comes growth.  But don’t think you will not be protected.  That, my dear, was covered by a beaten body hanging on a cross thousands of years ago. 

I wish I could tell you that your birth mother’s actions and choices were just something that happened when you were a little baby and doesn’t matter because you have a family that has loved you and called you theirs since you were two days old.  But as someone that has felt the hurt and rejection of a parent not wanting you, it would be a lie to say that.  Those feelings will float around and stick every once in a while.  You can choose to let them haunt you or you can rise above it and know you are loved by Him and that is more than enough.  One day I will share my stories with you in hopes that you will know I do understand.

I do not hate your birth mother.  I could never hate the woman that brought such a beautiful girl into this world and into my life.  I will never understand her actions and the choices she has made, though.  There is a piece of her in you and I love you, so I couldn’t hate her.  I pray for her.  I pray that she gets her life together and her priorities in order. 

I don’t know what lies ahead of us.  I don’t know how long this process will take.  I don’t know how you will feel about all of this when you are older.  All of these things overwhelm me sometimes.

The things I do know are that God had a perfect plan for you before you were born.  I knew you would be in our family a month before you born and prayed for you and your safety.  I know that God told me and your dad that you were a part of our family.  There has not been one fraction of a second that you have not been my daughter in my heart. I also know that you will never know the abuse and neglect your biological brother suffered for two years and for that I am so grateful.  I also know that this is just the beginning of our fight for you, but it is a step in the right direction.

So sleep tight by beautiful angel.  Tomorrow we will hear some good news.  We can think about the impending court battles later.  Let’s just celebrate today.  Celebrate the decision to start court proceedings to terminate parental rights.  Celebrate your very first birthday.  Celebrate the year that has passed since taking this picture.

Love,

Mom

 

Read other hearts poured out over at Things I Can’t Say.