Reunifying a Mother and Son

Next week marks a big milestone for Buddy’s foster care journey.  He is getting his first ever overnight visit with his mom.  He has been in foster care for over 1.5 years (6 months with us). She has had all day, meaning eight hours, visits the past three weeks.  This means he will be going home to his mom within a month or two.

People that I know in real life keep saying how we must be so sad.  How him going home is such a shame.  They just don’t get it. 

Kids that have the misfortune of being placed in foster care are there because the people that were supposed to care for them were too selfish.  Now I am not talking mommy for herself time.  I am talking real selfishness.  The kind that makes you put your addictions and accustomed lifestyles before the best interest of your child. 

I can be pretty selfish, I admit it.  Sometimes I also put my kids and their needs before mine too often.  But being a foster parent isn’t about me.  It is about God asking me to do this. I don’t know how long we will do it, because it is hard. But I know that it is for these children. 

Buddy’s mom has worked hard and taken advantage of programs and counseling to make herself better.  She wants her son.  So many people do the bare minimum to get their kids and then just slip back into the old routine soon after.  But she is trying. 

That makes me feel good.  That we could give her that chance to get it together for herself and for him. 

Each child has different circumstances and a different story.  Buddy was supposed to be here temporarily and it happens to be actually working out that way.  The goal for foster care is always reunification first.  When things start to crumble that is when other plans start going into motion and taking precedent. 

Reunification happens in stages.  It isn’t like the movies or tv dramas where a judge slams a gavel down and says return this kid home immediately without any warning.  It starts with an hour supervised visit, then gets bumped up to a few hours.  The few hours go from supervised to unsupervised (as long as the parent is doing their required service plans and passing drug tests).  Those few hours become 8 hours.  The 8 hours become overnights.  The overnights become weekends.  The weekends turn into three days.  Then the child is in their parents’ home more than your home.  Then they just go home.  This is how it is supposed to happen, sometimes it doesn’t. 

But it isn’t always sad to unify a family.  Under the right circumstances it is great. 

*Kick in the teeth reality check - sometimes you get a child and there is a chance they will get to stay with you forever.  Then you pray that reunification plans fall through.  Case in point, Little Lady.  We should find out before the end of the summer if they are going to start termination of parental rights. 

 

Joining in Pour Your Heart Out over at Things I Can’t Say.